With the news I was going to be a first-time Dad I felt very anxious at first, but knew I had to be a different sort of Dad than the one I grew up with.
I planned with work to be able to combine what I had for annual leave with my paternity leave to try to get as long as possible off to help support my partner.
It turned out that after a rough birth story that will stay with us, this was definitely worthwhile.
After a couple of weeks, we started going to local baby groups and one sore thing stuck out to me was, “where were all the Dad’s?”
With me being the only one even if I was with my partner I felt a bit isolated.
We were not really talking to the other parents because we had each other to talk to but there seemed something sorely missing from the whole experience.
Social media – as much as it can be overwhelming and busy – one thing it can do is connect people.
There was this small advert for a Dad’s group which I thought was a great thing as my Mother previously ran these within the Council on a Saturday.
I didn’t even need to think twice about taking a 4 week old (to the day) to a totally unknown place with unknown people because I knew a strong fact which was there were going be others that are going through exactly what I was going though.
Upon entering before my eyes I saw “chaos” which wasn’t a bad thing but also pretty daunting with toddlers running around and playing and laughing while I clutched my tiny son at the time.
I was soon approached by Errol which if anyone has ever met him will know, he instantly puts all nerves to the side and he introduced himself and the organisation behind Leeds Dads.
I was soon chatting to a few other Dads including one Dad with a fairly similar aged child (three months). We both chatted freely without judgement and most importantly repeating our birth story with them. This helped me to accept it and also appreciate these moments even more.
Myself, partner and son even set up some play dates with my dad mate and his partner and son at each others’ homes and I thought this group had really made a long living connection from such a “large step” mentally but small steps physically to give it a try.
Over the next few months (son born in Nov 2019) I returned to work but on a weekend my little escape with my son was with Leeds Dads, giving his mother extra time to relax without needing to rush around after a small baby.
She didn’t worry about what we might be up to as she knew it was a safe environment.
As we know, the world changed quite dramatically with the covid pandemic. With a very supportive boss we shut down the office prior to any government intervention, moving to home working.
This was kind of a blessing in disguise as I had extra time with my son to make a fantastic bond. I could have a 10 second commute, help with bottles, washing and all while I make a coffee before the next work meeting.
During this time a lot of chatter was going on the “world famous Leeds Dads WhatsApp group.”
Support was only a text away with many Dads who have done what we are doing, going through what we are experiencing, and just generally on tap for a rant about the world or for a funny meme when dark times were upon us.
To navigate this new world it was decided to try to do something to benefit and share a message, where #AskADad podcast was born.
I helped to live stream out to an audience which brought together professionals who were showing us how to manage with limited resources and how we can help support our families.
Over the coming months, Leeds Dads found a way that we could get together which meant we started to do socially distanced walks together which still continue to this day.
This helped children be children and enjoy nature, rain or shine, and we still ended up with an ice cream even in winter!
The kids loved it and it may be silly but it brought us closer together to have a common “thing”.
The best thing I think I learnt from all this was just learning to respect and love my son through the osmosis of learning from other Dads.
I could also see what challenges are coming up in the next stages of my child’s life.
This made it a little easier to be the parent that I envisioned at the start of this journey.
A lot of what came over the next few years felt like a blur as it was just that!
People say enjoy the precious moments as they go quick.
I met some of the most fantastic friends as this was also something very much missing from my life.
A lot of my closest friends had kids a long time ago or hadn’t had any at all so there were no common-aged kids I could lean from.
These days I have a whole community around our family and feel things might have been very different mentally and even physically with everything going on if, I didn’t find Leeds Dads.
I’m very grateful for everyone who gives up their time because they are doing something very unique and wonderful to let Dads grow as people.
