by Sam Coyle
What’s it like to be a Dad?
Even though I spend (most of) my day concerned with being a Dad, either through actually looking after a small human or working to provide for her, it’s not something I actively consider. But it’s an important question and one that is intrinsically linked with ‘What kind of man am I?’
We adopted our daughter, Rosie when she was 6 months old, and in the days and weeks before she came to live with us, I remember someone (I can’t remember who, unfortunately) saying to me that being a Dad (or a parent) is ‘the best job in the world but the hardest job in the world’ and never has anything rang
more true!
Despite the fact we’d been through a fairly intense period of preparation and assessments, through Covid lockdowns no less(!), it still hit me and my wife like a lightning bolt, that here was someone completely reliant on you showing up every second of every day, and being the best version of yourself.
I think having come to fatherhood late, at the ripe old age of 41, in some ways I was better prepared for being a Dad than I would’ve been at 25 or 35, but it still presented challenges, which anyone will know after living with a spouse or partner for so long where it’s just the two of you. Fatherhood when it did arrive, came after years and years of trying to conceive naturally, 4 rounds of IVF, none of which were successful, and although there was no doubt in my mind about wanting to be a father, there is still an emotional toll that all those events bring about, as anyone who has been through them will surely agree.
Suddenly the little things become big things, every conversation is centred on your child, and your relationship shifts on an axis that you’re otherwise not ready for.
The adoption process itself is another emotional rollercoaster, and forces all prospective parents and carers (of all types) to confront lots of potentially long-repressed feelings, both good and bad. On the flipside, it does provide clarity of thought about what’s to come, how you will handle the responsibility, and the huge shift in lifestyle that comes with being a parent. Ironically this isn’t something always afforded to parents who have a child ‘naturally’ so maybe that was an advantage! In addition to examining your own relationships, background and lifestyle, there is also a new person coming into the equation and their own circumstances to consider, especially if there has been some level of trauma or a difficult
start in life.
So what’s it like to be a Dad?
It’s equal parts: life-affirming, silly, maddening, warm & fuzzy,
frustrating, hilarious, playful, and at times, very, very hard… but always, always, totally brilliant.
If you are thinking about becoming an adopter, Adoption One manage adoption in Leeds.
