By Alex Wilson
The first thing you are probably thinking is “what’s a group of Dads in Leeds got to do with International Women’s Day?”. Well, quite a lot actually!
Leeds Dads is a charitable organisation that promotes opportunities for Dads to spend time with their children in a safe and supportive environment. By doing so, Leeds Dads can challenge traditional gender stereotypes and expectations that mums are primary parent with Dad helping out on the side when and where they can. By equalising parental responsibility and challenging these social norms we can support women’s right to equality in society, and indeed, dad’s rights to be given equal weight and consideration in the parenting world.
There is a distinct lack of activities in Leeds aimed specifically at dads and their kids. There are hundreds of ‘mums and tots’ groups, as well as NHS led activities covering mum focused activities such as breastfeeding support and dealing with postnatal depression. All of these are important and should continue to be made available to both women (and men if they wish). However, as a rare dad in this sort of group, it’s easy to feel out of place, that you don’t belong or could be making other people uncomfortable.
More rarely seen are ‘Daddy Daughter’ or ‘Dads and Lads’ groups which in modern society should be just as important in promoting equality amongst the sexes and balanced responsibilities between parents. Although families come in many shapes and sizes, there are generally as many mums as there are dads in the world. When a dad isn’t given the same opportunity to spend quality time with their children, this arguably puts more pressure on mum to carry that burden and offer these experiences.
Our founder, Errol Murray, started Leeds Dads, with a group of friends and their children when his daughter (now 11) was just six months old. Leeds started at a cafe in the city centre with just 3 Dads and their kids.
Fast forward a few years and after a quick search for ‘daddy daughter playgroups’ I (Alex Wilson) turned up at The Tetley to join Errol and the gang one Sunday with my oldest daughter, also then 6 months old (now 6, going on 16…). I was laden down with all the paraphernalia a 6 month old needs for a trip out of the house for two hours and I was incredibly nervous, but the driving force for me at the time was to make a new dad pal, as none of my friends in Leeds had kids of their own. What I didn’t realise at the time is that it offered my wife an incredibly rare couple of hours of downtime, something probably not experienced since before our daughter was born!
I was immediately bought into the role of Leeds Dads in family life and the benefit it could have for me, my kids and my wife. Since then, I have joined the Planning Committee, Steering Group and been a volunteer for Leeds Dads at countless activities and events. Alongside other volunteers, I have helped shape Leeds Dads into a wide reaching support group and community for Dads and their kids in Leeds.
What was a once a month playgroup with a few friends has evolved into an award
winning group and we have even had Royal recognition from HRH Princess Catherine, twice! We now run almost weekly soft plays, pram friendly park walks, breakfast clubs, online support sessions and not to mention Dadstastic, England’s biggest free Father’s Day party at our very own Leeds City Museum!
Although these activities are just for dads, we have had single mums ask to join us, to help their kids spend time with male role models. Interestingly, we also see a lot of our event bookings in mums name on behalf of dad, showing that although our activities are for dads, there is also benefit to mum. We also now extend our celebration events on Father’s Day, Christmas and summer picnics to Mum, Aunty and Gran so the whole family can benefit from our activities.
Our conversations with our Dads have shown that so many have a real desire to be a more present parent, however there are still a number of barriers around this.
A study by law firm EMW found that just over 170,000 men took paternity leave in the year to March 2021, compared to more than 650,000 women who took maternity leave during the same period.
A People Management article from October 2022 cites that the top reasons for the ‘motherhood penalty’ include Dad not being given enough time off (73 per cent), dissatisfaction with pay (59 per cent) and a lack of flexibility upon returning to work (28 per cent). If these inequalities were addressed, it would encourage a better balance or parental responsibility in early years, a burden which still primarily falls to mum. It is hardly surprising that in many households, dad is often the primary earner (or becomes it) when a child is born, given it is mum that takes the break from her career to raise the baby. Women are also more likely to return to work on a part time basis compared to men who take shorter parental leave periods and after the birth of a child and more often than not return to work full time.
Charity group Pregnant Then Screwed have already begun the fight for enabling both parents to contribute equally to the running of a household, whilst also achieving their own ambitions. They are lobbying the government for affordable childcare, flexible working as a default and properly paid parental leave for all parents. This is needed now more than ever to help remove gender stereotypes and promote equality for all. It is hardly surprising we need this to happen for everyone’s sake when every day dads are asked ‘is it mums day off?’ or ‘are you on babysitting duty today?’. When was the last time a mum got asked the same questions? So, I will leave you with one of my favourite parenting quotes (that I actually have on a t-shirt) which is “Dads don’t babysit, it’s called parenting”.
Further Reading
Pregnant Then Screwed
Article on parental leave
International Men’s Day is on November 19th
